Are You Shore?
Home | Barstow, CA, USA(I am at my grandmother’s, as are a few of my cousins. One is sitting in the living room watching Jersey Shore as I walk in. It’s worth noting that undetectable earthquakes are...
View ArticleA Very Unhappy Meal
Fast Food, Restaurant | Buffalo, NY, USA(Despite most of my family being Catholic, a combination of atheism on my dad’s side, and agnosticism/laziness on my mother’s side, make it so that I grow up...
View ArticleSleeping On The Job
Home | Singapore(My uncle loves sleeping and sleeps as much as he can. This happens when his kids are very young and his wife leaves the kids at home with him while she goes to the market in the...
View ArticleWhere Euphemisms Go To Die
Home | VA, USA(My cousin is a ninth-grader.) Cousin: “So, we had to read an article about whether it’s okay to kill sick people who want to die.” Me: “Oh, euthanasia?” Cousin: “Wait; what’s...
View ArticleStop Trying Our Patience
Car | WA, USA(My cousin is driving our elderly grandmother to an appointment and since there is no other traffic, decides to see if he can get a rise out of her. He speeds up, then comes to a...
View ArticleThis Operation Is On A Mission From God
Hospital | FL, USA(My family usually has whole conversations by simply quoting movies. My cousin is rushed to the hospital to have emergency surgery. This is the conversation between him, his mom, and...
View ArticleMildly Swears It Wasn’t Him
Family Gathering | St. Louis, MO, USA(My cousin’s husband swears like a sailor, but he’s been trying to tone it down since his daughter was born.) Daughter: *drops cookie* “D*** it!” (Everyone turns to...
View ArticleA Very Odd(apus) Child
Restaurant | SC, USA(My sister and I take a trip out of town for a few days and stay with some relatives. To thank me for babysitting their three- and five-year-old daughters, they tell us to pick any...
View ArticleThis Conversation Has Gone To The Dogs
Home | CanadaCousin: “Hey, where’s your—” *abruptly stops* “Oh. Oh, god. I almost said your wife and dog. I meant your mom and [Brother].” Me: “Was [Brother] supposed to be the wife or the dog?”...
View ArticleWill Never Forget That
Home | Jonesboro, AR, USA(We are at a family reunion. There are several younger cousins around, and I get to hear this gem:) Cousin #1: *running by where I’m seated* “Quick, get the forget-me stick!”...
View ArticleMy Dad; The Muffin Man
Home | PA, USA(My cousins and I are hanging out when the topic turns to photos of our parents when they were younger.) Cousin: “When Dad was younger he was totally a stud muffin…but now he’s just a...
View ArticleIntelligence Is Not Relative
Online | UK(My friend posted a picture of himself with his cousin, both tagged showing their full names.) Commenter: “How do you have the same last name as your cousin?” Friend: “My dad and his dad are...
View ArticleNirvana Has Been Axe’d
Mall | TX, USA(I’m at the mall with two cousins, who are brother and sister.) Cousin #1: *sniffs the air* “Smells like… teen spirit.” (It is obvious that he is making a reference to the Nirvana song....
View ArticleMy Crumbling Family Relationship
Car | IN, USA(My husband and I have spent the day in a city an hour away from home. The morning was at a gun and knife show, and the afternoon was at a mall. My cousin lives in this city and I am...
View ArticleWatering Down The Problem With Milk
Bar | Sydney, NSW, Australia(Our cousin has come to visit us at the shop my parents own; we all decide to have lunch at the pub across the road. Our cousin offers to buy us drinks. I am 14 and my...
View ArticlePain, The Silent Killer
Home | Toronto, ON, CanadaBrother: *groaning loudly* Cousin: “What are you doing?” Brother: *more groaning* “I’m in pain!” Me: “Well, be in pain quietly!”
View ArticleA ‘Stiff’ Resolve To Get The Name Right
Home | Singapore(My parents are hosting a Chinese New Year gathering for the relatives on my dad’s side. I am not close to them, but I do know who they are. I also have an aunt who tends to put an ‘S’...
View ArticleDiving Into His Own Interpretation
Hotel | NE, USA(My father goes out of town for a family wedding. Instead of spending time with relatives his age, he decided to spend time keeping an eye on his nephew’s four-year-old daughter, my...
View ArticleWill Not Rodeo Drive
Home | USA(My cousin had a little bit too much to drink.) Grandma: “How are you going to get up tomorrow?” Cousin: “This is not my first rodeo, grandma… This is my second.”
View ArticleAn Ominous Vocabulary
Home | Medicine Lodge, KS, USA(I am doing make-up with my six-year-old cousin.) Cousin: “Your skin is ominous.”
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